PROTIP # 7

When you really want to wow a potential hiring manager with a voicemail, simply throw this sentence in with the rest of your pitch:

"I have great communication skills and have excellent peoples person skills." 

PRO TIP # 6

When you receive a call about your resume, which you completely forgot you sent 10 minutes earlier (because, presumably, you have Momento style amnesia) the best thing to do is to act as rude as possible, and then hang up.

Sure fire way to launch a career.

Pro Tip # 5:

It is never a good idea to fully read a job posting, or ever accurately answer the question: "Which position are you applying for?"

It is highly advisable to instead mention what position you imagine would be your favorite job.

Regardless of what the company is actually looking for, you are likely to get your perfect job just by mentioning it.

The perfect objective.

Presented in the original format:

"Objective: I plan too find an suitable place
of work where I can utilize my clerical/administrative skills along with
exceptional customer service. Also too
gainmore knowledge about other
computer systemsand internet sites. I
hope to bring stability an a greatness of
dedication, possessing as thee ideal
candidate worker servicing patrons with
the most compassion respect , and dignity
the company could offer ."

How to get noticed

In lieu of a cover letter or resume, just go with something like this:

"Hey am rony am Intrested in the job am. 20yrs old give me a cal"

An issue of Tense...

"I will am applying for the opportunity as a [position title withheld]"

There are no dumb questions...

So I always tell candidates to let me know if they have any questions.  Generally these questions make sense.

This questions is a first.

"I just have one question. What room is the interview in ?*"

I just... what?  Why is this question?

It is also worth noting that my email signature is complete with our office's address and suite number.

And today's winner is...

From: [UNDISCLOSED NAME] RESUME!.docx

THIS:

VOLUNTEER WORK                        Select text you would like to replace, and type your information.

AND THIS:

I have great customer service skills, I am very friendly and a team player. I possess great people skills, because great customer service because it is all about the $100 dollar experience.

PRO TIP #4

Recruiters love it when you use a giant, strange font for your name on your resume.  It looks professional.

PROTIP # 3

When corresponding in reference to a position, an email signature of "Babygirl" is not recommended.

But only if I have to...

This sentence stood out from an otherwise normal cover letter:

"I am a dedicated professional capable of working with various ethnic groups."

I'm not sure about everyone else though...

First line of a cover letter. The truth is, I actually liked this.

 "I am not a Troglodyte. I am, in fact, a highly functioning member of society..."

Keyword bingo!

The first sentence in the first paragraph of a 4 page cover letter, which had a head shot of the candidate directly to the left of said text.

 "Divinely appointed to bring an immeasurable vision to reality derived the implementation of a rewarding women’s empowerment movement..."

PRO TIP #2

If you have only worked a position for 6 months it is probably not a great idea to fill up a page and a half regarding that position.

Overheard as two new hires were leaving the office:

#1 "How do you get to Columbia?"
#2 "It's the up the same way as Baltimore. You know how to get to Baltimore?"
#1 "Yea, I know how to get there... but I got no reason to go there. I love my life."

Qualifications...

"I speak fluent English and have exceptionally well negotiation skills. I’m also skill inclined with windows operating systems such as Microsoft Vista and XP, In addition I'm a very quick learner, and I also work great with others and can multiply task quite easily."

PRO TIP:

When you are speaking over the phone in regards to a job, it's probably NOT a good idea to have music blasting, be driving, and almost get into an accident.

Know your audience

Fortunately most of my resumes and cover letters have been written pretty well the last couple of days (unfortunate for you!) But this gave me a small chuckle:

"Dear To whom it may concern too"

Best Cover Letter... Ever.

Important to note:  None of this has anything to do with the specific job:
Presented in original size/font/formatting.

"What I understand about this job is my duties and responsibilities are to take of the people their needs and concerns. And to completes work orders in detail for every maintenance request. In able to communicate outstanding skills. And have a good manner to others. And welcoming the people who live in the building to show them a positive attitude.

Thank you!!"